We have an empty room in our home. It has been empty for two months now. Every time I walk by it, the emptiness catches me off guard, a hollow echoing sound bouncing off the walls.
We have a full bucket in our budget. Full to overflowing. Every time we discuss our finances, it's fullness feels heavier and heavier to me.
Both are teaching me about waiting upon the Lord. One for Him to Fill, the other for Him to Empty. What do you do when you want so desperately to be used by God, but aren't sure how He wants to use you?
You wait.
Something I don't do too well. I guess I should be grateful for the practice. But I fear so much in the waiting. I fear I will get too distracted to hear God when he leads. I fear I won't recognize His voice. I fear I will get selfish in the mean time. I fear I will take matters into my own hands and fill the room with something or someone God doesn't want there; and empty the bucket into a vessel it isn't intended for.
There are just way too many options on how to do go about things all wrong and only one way to go about them all right, and as I wait, the law of averages, statistics and probability start to freak me out. I am convinced the faster God moves, the fewer the opportunities for me to screw it up.
But, this time, come hell or high water, I will not move until I know it's God. I have a feeling this might take a while. I'm willing myself to be willing to wait.
